9/10/08

Today we talked about structure, hooks and transitions. We've learned the format of a five-paragraph essay. Now you get to practice what you've learned. Take a look at the following sections from a five-paragraph essay. There are ten sections that go together to create a structured essay. Since there are five paragraphs, we know that two sections go together to form each paragraph. I have placed these sections in a random order. See if you can arrange them in the correct order, based on what I have taught you about the introduction (hook, thesis, sub-topics), the body (three paragraphs, one for each sub-topic) and the conclusion (a summary, restating the thesis and wrapping up the main idea).

Hint: transition phrases often tell us where the paragraph goes in an essay. Also, each paragraph of the body will focus on one sub-topic. That means you should be able to identify which sections go together based on the main idea of the section.

A. The newer twin and quad theaters offer their own problems. Sitting in an area only one-quarter the size of a regular theater, moviegoers often have to put up with the sound of the movie next door. This is especially jarring when the other movie involves racing cars or a karate war and you are trying to enjoy a quiet love story. And whether the theater is old or new, it will have floors that seem to be coated with rubber cement. By the end of a movie, shoes almost have to be pried off the floor because they have become sealed to a deadly compound of spilled soda, hardening bubble gum, and crushed Ju-Jubes.

B. The problems in getting to the theater, the theater itself, and the behavior of some patrons are all reasons why I often wait for a movie to show up on TV.

C. Some of the patrons are even more of a problem than the theater itself. Little kids race up and down the aisles, usually in giggling packs. Teenagers try to impress their friends by talking back to the screen, whistling, and making what they consider to be hilarious noises.

D. Once you have made it to the box office and gotten your tickets, you are confronted with the problems of the theater itself. If you are in one of the run-down older theaters, you must adjust to the musty smell of seldom-cleaned carpets. Escaped springs lurk in the faded plush or cracked leather seats, and half the seats you sit in seem loose or tilted so that you sit at a strange angle.

E. I am a movie fanatic. When friends want to know what picture won the Oscar in 1980 or who played the police chief in Jaws, they ask me. My friends, though, have stopped asking me if I want to go out to the movies.

F. After arriving home from the movies one night, I decided that I was not going to be a moviegoer anymore. I was tired of the problems involved in getting to the movies and dealing with the theater itself and some of the patrons.

G. And then there are the lines. After hooking yourself to the end of a human chain, you worry about whether there will be enough tickets, whether you will get seats together, and whether many people will sneak into the line ahead of you.

H. First of all, just getting to the theater presents difficulties. Leaving a home equipped with a TV and a video recorder isn't an attractive idea on a humid, cold, or rainy night. Even if the weather cooperates, there is still a thirty-minute drive to the theater down a congested highway, followed by the hassle of looking for a parking space.

I. The next day I arranged to have cable TV service installed in my home. I may now see movies a bit later than other people, but I'll be more relaxed watching box office hits in the comfort of my own living room.

J. Adults act as if they were at home in their own living rooms and comment loudly on the ages of the stars or why movies aren't as good anymore. And people of all ages crinkle candy wrappers, stick gum on their seats, and drop popcorn tubs or cups of crushed ice and soda on the floor. They also cough and burp, squirm endlessly in their seats, file out for repeated trips to the rest rooms or concession stand, and elbow you out of the armrest on either side of your seat.


Figure out the correct order, then click here to check your work.

Did you get it right? Did you catch on to the transitions? Could you recognize the thesis? Did you figure out the order of sub-topics based on how they were presented in the introductory paragraph?

I hope you noticed how the transition words and phrases helped the flow of this essay. We have phrases like "First of all", "And then", "even more of a problem than". These phrases help the reader to move from one sub-topic to another. Notice that two of the paragraphs in the body begin with a brief mention of the topic of the previous paragraph along with an introduction of the topic for the new paragraph. This is a great way to move the essay along nicely.

I will be looking for transition words and phrases in your five-paragraph character analysis. I will also be looking for a good hook. Here is an example of an introduction without a hook:

I am writing a character analysis about Dallas Winston from The Outsiders, by S. E. Hinton. Dally was the toughest member of the gang. He had a hard life from growing up in gangs in New York City. Dally became hard through his experiences.

Did you notice how I started with the phrase, "I am writing a character analysis about . . ."? Don't do that. Ever. Never include any phrase that contain the words "I am writing" in any essay. I know you're writing. I have evidence of your writing when you hand me a paper with your name at the top and words on the front. Instead, start with something that will grab my (the reader's) attention. Here is an example of a introductory paragraph with a hook:

His dead body slumped into a crumpled pile on the street as bullets tore into his flesh. It was clearly suicide, but what drove him to such a desperate solution? The death of the only person or thing he ever loved. Dallas Winston, from The Outsiders, by S. E. Hinton, became harden through a life filled with crime, violence, and hatred. Dally’s hard life drove him to a tragic death.

The hook draws the reader in by describing a quick scenario involving the character and asking a related question to get the reader thinking about the character. It works. Do your best to start your introductory paragraph with a hook.

We'll be in the computer lab typing up our first drafts tomorrow. Don't forget to bring your draft and notes with you.

Have a happy day!